That being said, I do have significant losses to report. While each day lately has marked some decline, that decline has been significant over the last few days. He went from no longer being able to walk on Friday, to having difficulty talking yesterday, to mumbling this morning, to being pretty much non-responsive this evening. His skin is clammy today, and he is clearly bothered by getting shots now (was he "toughing it out" before? Or is he more sensitive now?). The Hospice nurse is thinking that he has a week or less with us here.
I do still have neat moments to record, though. My friend Tom came up from Appleton to visit me on Friday, and we noticed a hummingbird out in Amy's flowers. So we went out and waited, and in spite of the 3 (gajillion?) second delay on my digital camera's shutter, were able to get a shot of this one. Can't see it? Well, below is the poor quality zoomed-in version. My apologies to those of you for whom hummingbirds are commonplace - I probably get a little too excited about them. We came in and caught Dad in an "alert" mode he answered our questions about whether they are really mean and why. Funny - I had no doubt that he would know the answer to that one....
Even sweeter - as he was losing words on Saturday, he would with great effort say certain things that Amy and I never want to forget.
(to Amy) "With your care, I feel safe. Without you, I don't know what I'm doing."
(to me) "I don't know what's going on, so you're going to have to steer me through."
He kind of cracked us up when the Hospice nurse went into kind of a long explanation about a shot she was going to give him. He turned and whispered loudly to Amy, "I don't understand." Basically, trying so hard to be polite to the nurse, but looking to Amy to bail him out on any necessary response to what was going on.
Those of you who know how on top of things he always is will understand why these words are so poignant and painful and priceless to hear.
And best of all, "I love you a hundred times a hundred times a thousand. Human words just aren't adequate." We heard variations of this, in shorter and more mumbled form as long as he could speak.
We love you, too.
6 comments:
Dear Pastor Dale & family:
As I read your last entry, my heart just aches for you. It brings back so many memories of my sister when we went through much the same! I'm sure you feel like we felt...what an honor and privilege to be able to take care of Dad/husband! The last couple of days before my sister passed away she shared with us glimpses of heaven. I hated to leave her side as I wanted to hear first hand about heaven. What a special time!
We continue to have you in our hearts and minds daily and pray for you often.
A little writing from Oswald Chambers- In the midst of the awesomeness, a touch comes, and you know it is the right hand of Jesus Christ. You know it is not the hand of restraint, corection, nor chastisement, but the right hand of the Everlasting Father. Whenever His hand is laid upon you, it gives inexpressible peace and comfort, and the sense that "underneath are the everlasting arms" (Duet. 33:27", full of support, provison, comfort, and strenth. And once His touch comes, nothing at all can throw you into fear again.
We are praying and trusting that you will feel that hand of comfort and be able to rest in His arms as you continue to walk through the days ahead.
Love & prayer:
Andy & Lindy Larson
Hi Angela,
Innocuous things first: I LOVE hummingbirds! When I was a little kid, I used to change the nectar in our feeder, and one time when i went out to refill it, a hummingbird flew up to my face and hovered about 3 inches from me for what felt like 9,000 years. I will always find them amazing (and have never heard they are mean!).
And now for the more important things: I'm sorry to hear that your dad has gotten so much worse these past few days. Sorry is actually a ridiculous word in that it can't come close to expressing how sad I am (and have been). Every day is a new territory of unexplored grief, and I fear how much harder it is going to be for us all. The only comforting thing to me is how peaceful Dale has been about dying. One day recently, I was yelling about the injustice of all of this to my boyfriend's sister, Margie. I was angry about how unfair it is that a man who does so much good on earth would be taken so ridiculously early to heaven. I told her that I think God is being incredibly mean and selfish (I'm angry, and therefore childish), to which she replied, "Think of how young Jesus was taken to heaven and how much good he did on earth and how important his death was." So ... I'm trying to hold on to that.
Please hold your dad's hand for me, and give my mom a hug.
I know this blog has been hard to write, but it is beautiful, and I am grateful that all these moments have been captured. Thank you!
- Katie
Amy and Angela-
To start, I am sorry that I have not written sooner. I have read this blog everyday since Katie told me about it.
Thank you for writing this. I know that I do not know Dale like anyone else here, but I know enough about him and what he has done and who he has touched to know that he is a wonderful person, a man whom others should look to, and that this illness is possibly the most unjust punishment I can think of.
As Katie has also said, scant relief comes from knowing how peaceful Dale has been through this ordeal.
The time that I was able to spend with Amy and Dale was some of the best of my life. The quiet life in Iron River, the walks and the gardening and the work in the garage, all seem idyllic beyond anything I have seen elsewhere.
(As well, a morning fishing, in which boating would have been a more appropriate definition, was perhaps some of the best conversation I have ever had.)
Thank you so much for keeping the world informed of your situation. I think of you all every day.
-Tim Creen (Katie's boyfriend)
Angela,
I am very sorry to say that I just received the news that your dad has passed away. I have been meaning to read this blog for a couple of weeks now. I am your cousin Ken's girlfriend and Dean and Dar had told us the address but I had been typing it in wrong. For some reason this morning after Ken told me the news I tried it again and it worked.
First of all, wow, this blog is amazing. I thank you so much for sharing it with all of us. I never had the chance to meet your dad and this gave me such a great insight into who he was, even though it was through such a painful time in his life.
Secondly, please know that our thoughts and prayers our with you through this difficult time.
With Sympathy,
Ann Bombard
Amy and Angie,
Our hearts ache for you as we learned this morning of Dale's passing. We know that he is most likely having lunch and a long conversation with Jesus right now, but in our humanness we long for him to still be here with us.
I will always think of him as my own "Kentucky Rose", and we will greatly miss him as our pastor, friend and wonderful representation of Christ himself.
May God give you a special peace and comfort in this challenging and sad time. Our hearts go out to you.
In His Love,
Nick, Susan, Samuel & Gretchen Preston
Dear Lord,
Although we want to be angry at you this morning, we must lift you up in praise. For you brought this wonderful man into each of our lives so that we could know you personally. Dale Johnson will be remembered for his kindness, genorosity, humor and compassion. He was such an awesome example of how one should live a life which would inspire others to want to have a personal relationship with you also. His smile showed his empathy, his committment, his strength and his love.
Thank you Lord for bringing this man into my life, my family's life and all those who have been touched by Dale.
Please give his family the strength to embrace the memories and to rejoice that he is now with you. What an angel he will be!
Amen
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